You know, one thing we don’t know now, and will most likely never know, is the answer to the question: ‘What is going to happen to me’.
I’m just thinking, I am at a point now where doing things is becoming a little slow for me. Time is slowing down itself in my mind. I have more time than ever to do everything I want to do with no questions to answer. It feels great. But it also feels kind of lonely.
When you are by yourself a lot, you tend to ask that question, that: ‘Why do i feel so alone’. For me I have never really had an answer besides rejection. I am in some way, form, shape or other, rejected by someone or some people around me at a certain point in time. It’s started to get me thinking, maybe my rejections are not all that bad.
You see, while I am taking stock of my life, I do know one thing. I am not where I thought I would be. When I partnered up, I believed I would always be happy in this situation. Truthfully I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy at all. Not that I didn’t find happiness in it or around it, but just that it wasn’t exactly what i wanted. So in those time I would often find myself contemplating.
“Where is this going?”
So when I decided to take the leap of faith and end my current journey with friends and lover still on board that train, I was also very unsure of where i was heading but I knew it wouldn’t be to that destination that was unknown. It would be a destination unknown by my own footsteps. That was ok.
See…I would rather find out i was headed in the wrong direction by foot, because then at least I could turn back when my surroundings didn’t look so great. It also means I have time to stop and think and plan my route ahead. The trouble with being on a journey already with others on the same train is, we get stuck looking out of the window with no control of where we are headed and even worse living with an unsure feeling and that’s not good enough for me, and it shouldn’t be for you either.
Take control of your life again. Get right with God, and if you are a follower of Christ already, get right with Jesus again. Stay away from the broken path and with all your might, resist the temptation to stay on that train.
I decided, I would rather be alone, than to be with people who don’t want to be in my life…that’s a fact. And for those of you that are in relationships wondering:
“Where is this going?”
Think about this: you may never know, but if you knew you would be this unsure about the journey half way through, you would never have bought a ticket. So decide for yourself (FOR EVERYONE).
Is the place I am in right now, the place I want to be?
Should I jump off now and just start walking to where I want to go?
The scariest part, is that walking is hard and long and tiresome but you end up there. Maybe a mountain or too in the way or a mountain lion to fight, but you make it through and when where you want is just over that horizon, when you can smell the city, you can hear the music playing and the soldiers marching, you’ll know you did the right thing.
Don’t let a train journey tell you where to get off. Get off and start walking. No matter how hard it may seem at first. Swim against the current.
That’s what I realised while taking stock.
God is love, Kwesi D
Where is your destination? What will you give to get there, will you jump off your train and start walking?
Let me know in the comment section below! All your support is welcome 🙂
I would also like to announce: The “Throne Room.” Is now active. Yes your boy Kwess now has a stunningly fabulous website so please head over there and leave me a message at the check in desk ✌;)