Boyhood

He looks intently into the mirror at his reflection,

He concentrates and squints,

As he clenches his stomach muscles.

He runs his index finger around his abdomen as he outlines the feint formation of a ‘six pack’.

“Ahhh, a couple more sit ups and I’ll see it eventually.”

He loves parading around the house with no shirt on,
Every mirror he finds in his home that is big enough to relfect his entire body, he stops infront of.
Flexing and tensing,
He creates the perfect body for himself.
Monday morning, and it’s 2nd period.
Physical Education time.
His shirt feels a lot heavier on his shirt, and all of a sudden it feels a lot tighter around his neck too.
Visibly, he looks eratic.
Some of the other boys wonder what he is waiting for.

‘Why doesn’t that kid just take his shirt of already, he’s holding us up’ that’s what the majority of the popular kids are thinking in their heads.

‘They just don’t get it’ he remarks in his mind.

‘They have it easy, all the girls like them, and they all have perfect bodies compared to mine.’

“Hurry up! We’re waiting for you.”

He hears from the other side of the changing room.

He can’t run,
He can’t cry,
He can’t even hide.
That’s what girls do that’s the lie he’s believed all this time.
His self esteem should be intact,
After all, he is a man.
But he’s just a boy.
Trying to fit in with the rest of this motley crew.
He wants to be a boy, just like the rest of them.
But he looks nothing alike.
When will he finally fit in?

“I don’t want you to look like the rest of them. I love that you stand out.” He hears in his head.

“But how can I believe that?” He replies out loud.
He catches himself and quickly scans the room,
Phew,
Nobody was watching,
‘It’s lucky nobody heard me,
‘they’d think I’m crazy, talking to myself.’
‘Am I crazy?’ He wonders…
‘Who said that? Who just spoke right now?, and why did I answer him?’

“You’re not crazy, but I am glad you are listening” The voice says.
The boy says in his mind: ‘Ok, I have definitely lost it.’

“No, you are right, I am here, I have been waiting for you to need me, and now you do, I can finally show up and give you what you have always wanted.”

“And what’s that?” The boy asks

“Joy in your personal confidence. And the wisdom to understand, that those abs won’t make you, but loving you just the way I made you will.” The voice says.

“How do I do that?” Asks the boy.

“Let go, and I’ll show you.” The voice says.

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