Insert Gospel.

I don’t care about no stupid Gospel. It’s stupid anyway, it doesn’t make any sense. There so many different changes and the information is just stupid. I think it’s just stupid. I want to say a lot more but I risk offending myself and my God, but this is just dumb. None of this makes sense to me.

Do you know how hard my life is right now. How difficult everyday has become with and for me. Everyday is a fight just to get out of bed, and no amount of ‘love from God’ is going to wake me up from that cycle. I’m just feeling broken and just disgusting and unloved and unwanted. I just sit on a tube by  myself wondering wtf am I doing here again? I just had loads of fun and I praised and worshipped all day. It all makes no sense to me at all. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY ANYMORE.

This is feeling like the most critical time of my life – insert gospel.

I am hurt – insert gospel.

I went away – insert gosepl

I like cheese – insert gospel

Do you see how ridiculous it is now for me. To trust and see and believe in some dumb gosepl that doesn’t even work for me.

God said to me: “Read philippians 4:19.”

So i did and it said that “The lord will meet all your needs, according to the riches of his kingdom.” Well wheres my kingdom. How are my riches going to be anything like his? Sure I can begin to find my worth in his kingdom – which isn’t here yet fully or at all who even knows anything.

I’m in despair -insert gospel.

The gospel can’t feel my pain. It’s irrelevant. Jesus can apparently, but where is he? Why can’t you just show up when I want you too Jesus? You don’t see me suffering a little right now. A play down for the word count. And I don’t even know why that’s in there but I am hurting badly and it’s burns. I’m so done unless you show up Jesus. Im so done unless you care. Because I feel so unwanted and so unloved right now, – insert gospel.

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