I wrote this two years ago; ‘Can I be honest with you…’

I want to tell you a little secret of mine…
I’m hoping you’ll hold on to it.
I’m trusting you with the sincere words of my heart.
I’m giving you the responsibility to honor me.

Can I be honest with you?
I am not the psalmist from the bible. I am NOT Job. I don’t feel like David and i definitely don’t feel like Abraham.

I think i feel lost sometimes. Like life is too big for me. Like i don’t understand how to get the best from me. I am NOT religious, but i love God. I gave my life over to a being i can only hope is there. but deeply it resonates with me.

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes people say things i don’t understand, like: “Life is what you make it!”. I don’t understand that? I mean if a child is born poor but sees the benefit of money, yet has no way to obtain it, how can life be what he wishes it to be?
If I was born rich then I might have never had the luxury to know what it means to struggle, to work hard, to suffer, to have nothing. Yet if i wish to feel these things, learn these lessons without the same start as the poor child, does that mean i must discard all I have? How then should I, a rich child return to my riches if I discard them? How does a poor child become rich without first discarding the love of his hometown.

Honestly if life is what you make it, why can I not choose to live how i want to live, believe what i want to believe and act how i want to act, whenever and wherever i want? Why is it the most important lessons in life are learned through experiences with others but experiences with money are seemingly more damaging?

Why did i learn as a teenager that it was more important to follow the crowd and ‘fit in’ rather than to be completely myself.

Why can’t I say “I don’t drink” without someone looking at me funny?
If I’m honest I don’t like the taste and I don’t like how it makes people behave.

Why can’t I say I am a ‘Christian’ without someone becoming disinterested in me?
If I’m honest it makes a lot more sense to me, than blindly fumbling through life feeling defeated like i used to.

Why, if life is what you make it, can i not control exactly how i finish and where i will go without having to go to University, work for someone and retire at 70?
If I’m honest I don’t think we have as much control over what path we take as we originally thought.

Can I be honest with you?
I’ve always asked questions, some sensible some not. Some valid, some not. Some for the benefit of me and some for the benefit of others.

if I’m honest, life is hard and I don’t get it. The more i learn the less I know. The more I meet, the more i grow. The less i complain, the happier i feel and the more i fight, the further i go.

Truth is absolute. Asking questions is necessary and a life is infinitely worth more than any amount of any currency of any form.

Stay true to who you are, not who you want to be. Fight for your own justice and that of others. Search deeper within yourself to find something a lifetime of suffering to achieve.

Can I be honest with you?
However you started, wherever you’re going, just be you.

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